100 Days- My Personal Journey

Wow, it seems like an eternity and yet also like a blink of an eye. One hundred days, 2,500 hours, 150,000 minutes. That’s how long it’s been since I drank a sip of alcohol. 

Here’s my unrefined, unpolished, raw story about my relationship with booze. It’s not pretty I promise you. But it’s honest and I think we could all use a little truth these days. 

I had my first drink when I was 11. And not just a drink… quite a bit of champagne. My best friend in 5th grade had invited me to her mother’s 40th birthday party. Drinks were free flowing and I instantly fell in love with the relaxed, care about nothing feeling that alcohol gave me. I cringe when I think about this… my daughter is now 12 and I CAN NOT imagine her getting drunk at a party. It breaks my heart. 

I had my first hangover the following day. Not fun. I had a tennis lesson at 10 am and somehow managed to hide how I was feeling from my dad and stepmom. I really wish it had been worse. Maybe the pain could have outweighed the fun and forced me to make better future decisions. 

I don’t think I had another drink until I was 14, but I honestly don’t remember. I do remember visiting my same friend from 5th grade in her new London (yes England) home when I was in 8th grade. I flew there sans parents and stayed with her and her mom in their London flat. Needless to say, our activities were not monitored very closely. In London my drink of choice was Pimms and lemonade. It’s super sweet and drinkable which makes consumption easy for a young teen. I remember we went to a bar… I think just the two of us.. and drank there all night. I remember being drunk, sitting outside of the bar all alone at one point in the night. Did you catch that? All alone. Drunk. 14. In London. 

Later in that same trip I remember being drunk and literally crawling along a 5 story ledge with my friend to go hang out with the neighbor boy. Did you cringe? I just did. We also spent a separate evening dining in a restaurant and I had a bottle of wine…. for dinner. Perhaps some bread too, but seriously. A bottle of wine. Not sure how, but I made it back home alive… I was not exactly headed in a great direction.

In high school I progressively drank more and more. After my freshman year I moved in with my mom, who was an alcoholic for her entire adult life. It became easy to drink… out at parties and later even at home. She had remarried and we moved in with her new husband who was also a huge drinker. We would all drink and smoke together at home. (Again I cringe).

College was even worse. Party was what everyone did and I did it best. I even went as “drunk” to a theme party where we were supposed to dress up as something starting with a “D”. There were so many cute costumes… like the Dominoes Delivery People were hilarious… but not me… I was Drunk. Seriously just Drunk. And after realizing that this was a little embarrassing I just drank more to feel better. 

When I was accepted into the dietetics program at school I decided I probably needed to refine my game. I was older, finally legal and decided wine would be a fine choice. My boyfriend and I at the time ate lots of fine cheeses and drank many good bottles of wine. It felt polished. I was fancy right?!?

After college my life continued as the culture dictates… going out to bars, drinking on the weekends… a little wine here, a little there etc… I never felt like I was out of control. I stopped drinking for all my pregnancies but continued soon after delivery to enjoy fancy wines and beers with dinner and on the weekends. 

In my late 30’s I was challenged by my therapist to quit drinking for 6 months. Now, I love a challenge, but also recognized that maybe my relationship with alcohol was not that healthy. So I quit… not just for 6 months but for 4 years. It was hard… but I also had a good support system to help. I certainly missed drinking, but the hardest part was the social aspect. Drinking is such a big part of our culture and our social time. And I am in a business that meets in bars, parties in Mexico and holds its conventions in Vegas. I felt alone. 

In 2016 we moved to Florida and I decided on January 1, 2017 to have a glass of wine after 4 years sober. I really enjoyed it and told myself I could just enjoy wine from time to time. I could be “normal” again. Well…. I wish. I learned that one glass is never enough and a box of wine is a fine way to conceal exactly how much you’re drinking. By the end of last year I was drinking about 1 bottle a night, 4-5 nights a week. No bueno. I didn’t want my kids thinking this was OK…. I didn’t want my body being destroyed… I wanted more energy, more joy. The alcohol was a quick fix, but not a solution. 

So today is 100 days sober. I share my story because I hope to encourage someone else to think about their relationship with alcohol. To just be a little “sober curious”. You may not have a similar story, or the same level of addiction, but alcohol is not good for our bodies. Even red wine. If you’re curious about the science PM me. Our culture and the US’s $254 billion alcohol industry work very hard to convince you drinking is fun, healthy, cool, and important for success. It’s not. In fact, the vast majority of my mentors gave up drinking completely. 

One hundred days in, I feel much, much better. I lost 12 lbs, have so much more energy and make better choices all day long. I am honored that you took the time to read my story. Please feel free to share it as maybe it might touch someone else and encourage them to look at their choices in a different light. 

In Health,

Kelley